thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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