I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
