1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
