Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
