My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
