So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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