3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im holly from the hills drunk
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
