Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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