lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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