New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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