you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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