my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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