Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize