I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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