Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
