just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
