Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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