Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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