I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
