When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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