my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
