She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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