The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
