In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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