Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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