I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
