I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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