Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
