It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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