He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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