Can i not drive my cunt home
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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