I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
