Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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