where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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