you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
