Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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