I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have post one night stand depression
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