I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
