i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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