To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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