if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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