He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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