I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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