I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
