well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
