i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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