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New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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