I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We are two peas in an std pod
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
