We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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