I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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