i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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