Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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