I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
