hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
