can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
