I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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