I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.