Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book