Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
