I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.