Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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