I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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