I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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