His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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