he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
