I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
