was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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