God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
