Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
