i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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