Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
